One more study we didn't need

Here's a news flash for anyone who's been living under a rock since, oh, the 1950s: Men view women in bikinis as sexual objects. Believe it or not, CNN has a story on its website today about a Princeton University study that has uncovered the shocking fact that, when shown provocative photos of scantily clad women, men "view sex as a highly desirable goal." Astonished researchers breathlessly expounded on the findings, touting such important new discoveries as this one: Men remember the bodies of women wearing bikinis better than they remember the bodies of fully clothed women. You can't make this stuff up. I'm just wondering who commissioned the study. Perhaps a frat house at the Ivy League school?

Shockingly enough, the findings of this ground-breaking study were "consistent with previous work in the field," which one can only imagine took place at a Mexican resort during spring break. One psychiatrist interviewed about the study went out on a limb by stating: "Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction." Considering the stupidity of that statement, I'll cut him a break and assume he had a copy of the Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue in front of him when he said it.

If you want to read the full story, which really sounds like something straight from The Onion, click here. If you do and you are a woman, please be forewarned that you may respond by rolling your eyes, sighing heavily, throwing something at the next man you see, or changing the locks on your front door, although I'm not completely sure about that. Maybe I'll do a study.